A reminder to myself.......

Relationships

I don't know where to begin....

I suppose caring for someone with an ailment or sickness is not easy.

It's coming to 4 months since my injury and recovery is still a long way away. My situation is kinda tricky. I don't have family where I am at so I am pretty much going through all this alone. For those who have been in the same situation as me, you probably understand what I mean.

When I broke my arm, I've only dated this guy for 1 year and 3 months. I guess it isn't that long at all and expectation of care may be of varying degree. I'm quite an independent girl having been through some dark, dark experience in life so what I needed was basically some emotional support and perhaps physical help for whatever I can't do.

He was really supportive at first and sympathetic with my situation. I have to say I probably wasn't a good patient myself. I may have got frustrated, angry and impatient at times but one must understand what I was going through. I was in so much pain it was literally a living hell. Also, not being able to use an arm is a big deal. You won't know it till it actually happens. Being an extremely fit and active athlete to an inactive slow person is not an easy adjustment. So he was by my side everyday for almost 4 months now. We did get into fights but we patched things up. Given the diminished social life and lowered self esteem didn't help with my situation. Nothing looked good on me. I felt unattractive etc

I guess slowly everyday I was pushing him away and digging myself a deep, dark hole. Today, we are officially on a break. We had a fight on Wednesday night and not spoke till today. I suggested a break. I guess my condition really put us on a toll. I have been crying since yesterday and tears are just streaming down my face. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to. I don't know why I did what I did. Maybe I am depressed ............

Looks like I'm going to be broken, jobless, single and old for my birthday in 2 weeks time :(

Missing in Action

I guess I've been so slack lately and not updating since my surgery 3 weeks ago. The surgery went well though it was not something I like to remember again.

It wasn't pleasant at all but it was the only choice if I ever wanted to get back to my normal life again. I mean 3 months of carry a broken arm right before surgery was a torture already. It was not an easy journey thus far to be honest. Days leading to the surgery was a mixture of feelings. I remember waking up some nights gasping for air because I suddenly had a panic attack. I felt I was trapped. Other times I wake up crying for no reason. I guess people generally do not talk about their emotions when they are dealing with a broken bone. I know I'm not going through cancer or anything. I am still alive after all. I lose my mum to cancer and so I know because I was with her throughout the whole journey.

Right  back to what I have intended to write! Actually I was meant to share my days after surgery. All I can say is it was a blur for the first 10 days. Right after surgery, I was really really unwell. I had shakes and bad bad nausea. Also, I couldn't pee though my bladder was full ! It was really uncomfortable. The surgical site was not as painful for the first 12 hours but when the pain kicked in, it was full blown. I had muscular pain from my shoulder, elbow and surgical site. At one point I couldn't differentiate which part was the pain coming from. I mean the whole arm was painful. Not to mention, I couldn't walk due to the bone graft on my pelvis.  I tell you that was aching and throbbing like crazy once the pain killer wore off.

I don't mean to scare anyone but I feel I should share this with people out there with a situation like mine who wants to know or prepare themselves. Speaking from personal experience, I was pretty anxious and did not know what to expect before the surgery. I knew no one who had gone through anything like mine and I couldn't find anything online to give me a piece of mind.

I hope this is helpful. I don't mean to scare anyone and I understand everyone deals with pain differently. I only meant to share what I went through and my emotions at the time.

By the way, I am still in rehab trying to move my locked elbow and shoulder. Seems like the pain is here to stay.

Honestly, I recommend seeing a shrink if you have problems coping. I feel I am at the verge of getting one.

Dessert

Cashew Butter Chocolate Truffles (df)

An easy, indulgent and wholesome recipe from Eleanor Ozich of Petite Kitchen blog to celebrate National Nut Day.

Story by Eleanor Ozich  •  Photography by Eleanor Ozich   •  Tue 21 Oct 2014  •  Published in Served Up,Petite Kitchen, Recipes. Chocolate, Easy, Truffles, Raw, Nuts

1 1/2 cups of raw cashews – to make unsalted cashew butter

1/4 cup coconut oil, melted

3 rounded tablespoons cacao or cocoa powder

1/4 cup natural sweetener - coconut nectar, honey, ricemalt syrup

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

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To make the raw unsalted cashew butter, blend 1½ cups of raw cashews together for 5 - 7 minutes until creamy. Cashews will become very powdery, then clump, then turn to a peanut-butter-like consistency.

Next, line a walled container with baking paper. Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Pour into container and leave in the freezer for four hours or overnight to set. 

Once firm, scoop out and roll into balls. Coat with anything you like! Desiccated coconut, berry powder, chopped nuts or cacao nibs, and return to fridge until you are ready to enjoy!

Keep chilled.

Let's get cooking

So I only have my left arm and I find that these days crockpot is my best friend....
What this space.........
I'm going to try this recipe

Slow Cooker Chinese Spare Ribs (Paleo, Grain free, Gluten Free)

Out of all of the many names for cooking utensils I think my absolute least favourite is the name crock pot. It has such flaccid ring to it that goes off like a limp whoopee cushion when ever someone says it, to me that is. I really prefer to call it a slow cooker, which doesn't sound elegant or anything like that but at least it doesn't have any unfavourable ring to it like crock pot does. Forgive me if I offended anyone by “slandering” crock pots name, it’s just my opinion.

Even with a conflict of a name, a slow cooker actually does a pretty good job in terms of dealing with tougher pieces of meats. I still prefer a braise in a pot or Le Creuset Dutch oven, but when I have no time for that then I usually switch to a slow cooker. The idea to using the slow cooker came about in this recipe not necessarily for ease, although it is very easy, but because I wanted that tender fall apart rib that you get when you slowly smoke something. Since I don’t have a smoker then there is no reason in trying to attempt smoking something or even go for that of a smoked flavour.

That’s where my reminder of Chinese spare ribs rolled right into my mind. Well spiced, balanced, and slightly sweet. It’s basically an umami powerhouse. A lot of people actually like to barbecue their Chinese spare ribs, which is great, but this method has by far proven itself to possibly be an even more delicious method. After these beautiful ribs are browned to crisp perfection under the broiler they rest in the crockpot for 7-8 hours with a nice sauce mixture poured over it to mingle and seep into meat slowly. Yielding the most tender spare rib you will ever put on your fork. Incredibly moist, rich and succulent accompanied by bold flavors and a subtle sweetness.

I noticed after looking at the different ways that people do their Chinese spare ribs, that they marinate them. The plus side to using the crockpot here is that it get’s it’s cooking and “marinating” done at the same time. It sits with that beautiful sauce poured over it and then seeps out some it’s own juices to mix with the sauce that gets to the bottom of the crockpot adding a beautiful slurry of flavour at the bottom to spoon over your ribs. And nothing looks better than sinfully tender ribs with delicate torn pieces of meat running along where it was cut and a nice warm sauce packed full of umami.

Slow Cooker Chinese Spare Ribs

5.0 from 3 reviews

Print

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 8 hours

Total time: 8 hours 20 mins

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

• 4 lbs pork spare ribs
• 1 tablespoon Chinese five spice
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon fresh grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons grated fresh grated garlic
• ¼ cup dry white wine or sherry
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons coconut aminos or tamari (I used coconut aminos)
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• optional 2 teaspoons of honey (I actually do not to add the honey because in my opinion the tomato paste that I added seems to add a nice subtle sweetness that fits my tastes a little better but it depends on the person, just taste your sauce and see if you want it.)

Instructions

1. In an oven make sure an oven rack is 4-6 inches away from heating element and preheat broiler on high.
2. Line a medium baking sheet with foil, place a wire rack on it and place spare ribs on it fat cap side up.
3. In a measuring cup or small bowl add Chinese five spice, grated ginger, grated garlic, white wine or sherry, apple cider vinegar, coconut aminos or tamari, tomato paste and lemon juice and optional honey if using and stir until thoroughly combined and place to the side.
4. Once broiler is hot place ribs under broiler and brown both sides until nicely browned and crispy. 4-6 minutes each side.
5. Place ribs on sides in slow cooker and pour the sauce mixture you place on the side earlier all over the ribs. (It's okay if it runs down the ribs and into the bottom of the slow cooker, in fact that's a good thing.)
6. Place lid on slow cooker and cook on low for 7-8 hours.

Feeling Anxious

So my surgery is on this Thursday 23rd October- the day I shall never forget!! I hope I'll come out alright ......
I can't explain how I'm feeling...angry that it hasn't happen any earlier and scared at the same time. I don't understand why my arm hasn't healed like a normal person would....
I wish I have answers to questions in life sometimes.....
On another note I have been killing time watching the series "Orange is the new black".  Quite an entertainer ...

Check it out !!