A reminder to myself.......

Relationships

I don't know where to begin....

I suppose caring for someone with an ailment or sickness is not easy.

It's coming to 4 months since my injury and recovery is still a long way away. My situation is kinda tricky. I don't have family where I am at so I am pretty much going through all this alone. For those who have been in the same situation as me, you probably understand what I mean.

When I broke my arm, I've only dated this guy for 1 year and 3 months. I guess it isn't that long at all and expectation of care may be of varying degree. I'm quite an independent girl having been through some dark, dark experience in life so what I needed was basically some emotional support and perhaps physical help for whatever I can't do.

He was really supportive at first and sympathetic with my situation. I have to say I probably wasn't a good patient myself. I may have got frustrated, angry and impatient at times but one must understand what I was going through. I was in so much pain it was literally a living hell. Also, not being able to use an arm is a big deal. You won't know it till it actually happens. Being an extremely fit and active athlete to an inactive slow person is not an easy adjustment. So he was by my side everyday for almost 4 months now. We did get into fights but we patched things up. Given the diminished social life and lowered self esteem didn't help with my situation. Nothing looked good on me. I felt unattractive etc

I guess slowly everyday I was pushing him away and digging myself a deep, dark hole. Today, we are officially on a break. We had a fight on Wednesday night and not spoke till today. I suggested a break. I guess my condition really put us on a toll. I have been crying since yesterday and tears are just streaming down my face. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to. I don't know why I did what I did. Maybe I am depressed ............

Looks like I'm going to be broken, jobless, single and old for my birthday in 2 weeks time :(

Missing in Action

I guess I've been so slack lately and not updating since my surgery 3 weeks ago. The surgery went well though it was not something I like to remember again.

It wasn't pleasant at all but it was the only choice if I ever wanted to get back to my normal life again. I mean 3 months of carry a broken arm right before surgery was a torture already. It was not an easy journey thus far to be honest. Days leading to the surgery was a mixture of feelings. I remember waking up some nights gasping for air because I suddenly had a panic attack. I felt I was trapped. Other times I wake up crying for no reason. I guess people generally do not talk about their emotions when they are dealing with a broken bone. I know I'm not going through cancer or anything. I am still alive after all. I lose my mum to cancer and so I know because I was with her throughout the whole journey.

Right  back to what I have intended to write! Actually I was meant to share my days after surgery. All I can say is it was a blur for the first 10 days. Right after surgery, I was really really unwell. I had shakes and bad bad nausea. Also, I couldn't pee though my bladder was full ! It was really uncomfortable. The surgical site was not as painful for the first 12 hours but when the pain kicked in, it was full blown. I had muscular pain from my shoulder, elbow and surgical site. At one point I couldn't differentiate which part was the pain coming from. I mean the whole arm was painful. Not to mention, I couldn't walk due to the bone graft on my pelvis.  I tell you that was aching and throbbing like crazy once the pain killer wore off.

I don't mean to scare anyone but I feel I should share this with people out there with a situation like mine who wants to know or prepare themselves. Speaking from personal experience, I was pretty anxious and did not know what to expect before the surgery. I knew no one who had gone through anything like mine and I couldn't find anything online to give me a piece of mind.

I hope this is helpful. I don't mean to scare anyone and I understand everyone deals with pain differently. I only meant to share what I went through and my emotions at the time.

By the way, I am still in rehab trying to move my locked elbow and shoulder. Seems like the pain is here to stay.

Honestly, I recommend seeing a shrink if you have problems coping. I feel I am at the verge of getting one.

Dessert

Cashew Butter Chocolate Truffles (df)

An easy, indulgent and wholesome recipe from Eleanor Ozich of Petite Kitchen blog to celebrate National Nut Day.

Story by Eleanor Ozich  •  Photography by Eleanor Ozich   •  Tue 21 Oct 2014  •  Published in Served Up,Petite Kitchen, Recipes. Chocolate, Easy, Truffles, Raw, Nuts

1 1/2 cups of raw cashews – to make unsalted cashew butter

1/4 cup coconut oil, melted

3 rounded tablespoons cacao or cocoa powder

1/4 cup natural sweetener - coconut nectar, honey, ricemalt syrup

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

---

To make the raw unsalted cashew butter, blend 1½ cups of raw cashews together for 5 - 7 minutes until creamy. Cashews will become very powdery, then clump, then turn to a peanut-butter-like consistency.

Next, line a walled container with baking paper. Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Pour into container and leave in the freezer for four hours or overnight to set. 

Once firm, scoop out and roll into balls. Coat with anything you like! Desiccated coconut, berry powder, chopped nuts or cacao nibs, and return to fridge until you are ready to enjoy!

Keep chilled.

Let's get cooking

So I only have my left arm and I find that these days crockpot is my best friend....
What this space.........
I'm going to try this recipe

Slow Cooker Chinese Spare Ribs (Paleo, Grain free, Gluten Free)

Out of all of the many names for cooking utensils I think my absolute least favourite is the name crock pot. It has such flaccid ring to it that goes off like a limp whoopee cushion when ever someone says it, to me that is. I really prefer to call it a slow cooker, which doesn't sound elegant or anything like that but at least it doesn't have any unfavourable ring to it like crock pot does. Forgive me if I offended anyone by “slandering” crock pots name, it’s just my opinion.

Even with a conflict of a name, a slow cooker actually does a pretty good job in terms of dealing with tougher pieces of meats. I still prefer a braise in a pot or Le Creuset Dutch oven, but when I have no time for that then I usually switch to a slow cooker. The idea to using the slow cooker came about in this recipe not necessarily for ease, although it is very easy, but because I wanted that tender fall apart rib that you get when you slowly smoke something. Since I don’t have a smoker then there is no reason in trying to attempt smoking something or even go for that of a smoked flavour.

That’s where my reminder of Chinese spare ribs rolled right into my mind. Well spiced, balanced, and slightly sweet. It’s basically an umami powerhouse. A lot of people actually like to barbecue their Chinese spare ribs, which is great, but this method has by far proven itself to possibly be an even more delicious method. After these beautiful ribs are browned to crisp perfection under the broiler they rest in the crockpot for 7-8 hours with a nice sauce mixture poured over it to mingle and seep into meat slowly. Yielding the most tender spare rib you will ever put on your fork. Incredibly moist, rich and succulent accompanied by bold flavors and a subtle sweetness.

I noticed after looking at the different ways that people do their Chinese spare ribs, that they marinate them. The plus side to using the crockpot here is that it get’s it’s cooking and “marinating” done at the same time. It sits with that beautiful sauce poured over it and then seeps out some it’s own juices to mix with the sauce that gets to the bottom of the crockpot adding a beautiful slurry of flavour at the bottom to spoon over your ribs. And nothing looks better than sinfully tender ribs with delicate torn pieces of meat running along where it was cut and a nice warm sauce packed full of umami.

Slow Cooker Chinese Spare Ribs

5.0 from 3 reviews

Print

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 8 hours

Total time: 8 hours 20 mins

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients

• 4 lbs pork spare ribs
• 1 tablespoon Chinese five spice
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon fresh grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons grated fresh grated garlic
• ¼ cup dry white wine or sherry
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons coconut aminos or tamari (I used coconut aminos)
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• optional 2 teaspoons of honey (I actually do not to add the honey because in my opinion the tomato paste that I added seems to add a nice subtle sweetness that fits my tastes a little better but it depends on the person, just taste your sauce and see if you want it.)

Instructions

1. In an oven make sure an oven rack is 4-6 inches away from heating element and preheat broiler on high.
2. Line a medium baking sheet with foil, place a wire rack on it and place spare ribs on it fat cap side up.
3. In a measuring cup or small bowl add Chinese five spice, grated ginger, grated garlic, white wine or sherry, apple cider vinegar, coconut aminos or tamari, tomato paste and lemon juice and optional honey if using and stir until thoroughly combined and place to the side.
4. Once broiler is hot place ribs under broiler and brown both sides until nicely browned and crispy. 4-6 minutes each side.
5. Place ribs on sides in slow cooker and pour the sauce mixture you place on the side earlier all over the ribs. (It's okay if it runs down the ribs and into the bottom of the slow cooker, in fact that's a good thing.)
6. Place lid on slow cooker and cook on low for 7-8 hours.

Feeling Anxious

So my surgery is on this Thursday 23rd October- the day I shall never forget!! I hope I'll come out alright ......
I can't explain how I'm feeling...angry that it hasn't happen any earlier and scared at the same time. I don't understand why my arm hasn't healed like a normal person would....
I wish I have answers to questions in life sometimes.....
On another note I have been killing time watching the series "Orange is the new black".  Quite an entertainer ...

Check it out !!

more bakings

This is what I go up to whilst caring for a broken arm

Choc Caramel Slice

Makes 12-15 squares

Prep time 10 minutes

Refrigeration time 2 hours 20 mins

Ingredients:

For the crust

1 cup (160g) almonds

1 cup (140g) dates, roughly chopped

1/4 cup ghee, melted

For the caramel

1 1/4cups (190g) raw cashews

1/4 cup (60ml) coconut milk

1 cup coconut oil

2 cups (280g) dates, roughly chopped

For the chocolate

1/3 cup coconut oil

2-3 tbsp cacao powder

1/4 cup (90g) honey

1 tbsp coconut cream

Method:

To make the crust, place the almonds in

food processor and process until a flour

forms. Add dates and ghee and blend

until combined.

Transfer to small baking tray lined with

baking paper and press mixture into

the base to form an even layer of crust.

Refrigerate for 20 minutes to set.

For the caramel layer, place the cashews

and coconut milk in a food processor and

process until mixture resembles a thick,

smooth butter. Add the coconut oil and

dates and process until smooth. Feel free

to add other flavours (we like vanilla, chilli

or ginger)

.

To make the chocolate layer, place all the

ingredients in a food processor and process

until smooth and glossy.

Remove crust from fridge and spread with

the caramel, then layer with the chocolate.

Refrigerate for 2 hours or until completely

set. Cut into bars and enjoy straight from

the fridge – as they will melt!

I hope you all enjoy making and especially eating this! Leave a comment and let me know how you went!

Treats for me...

SNICKERS BALLS

Ingredients:

1.5 cups of raw cashew nuts
1.5 cups of pitted dates (soaked in hot water for 5 minutes)
1/4 cup of desiccated coconut
1 tablespoon of coconut oil (melted)
1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips
2 tablespoons of peanut butter

Directions:

Put all ingredients in a food processor and whiz, make sure the cashews are completely broken up. You may need to stop and give it a stir to get things moving.

Once you’ve got a good broken up sticky consistency push the mixture into firm into balls and pop in the fridge for 1-2 hours. As easy as that, you are done!

It's Official !!

Got my surgery date yesterday!! They are going to operate on me next Thursday ...23rd Oct !!! Freaking out now but hopefully this is the light in the tunnel !!!
 This is how it's done:



Shudders!!! If you are interested and want to read more, follow this link :
http://www.msdlatinamerica.com/ebooks/MasterTechniquesinOrthopaedicSurgery/sid123568.html

Surgery

Sorry for being missing in action. I was down with a bad flu last week.

In the last week I've seen a total of 3 specialist and all had the same opinion that surgery is the only way to go for me. The x-ray for week 9 was just as bad as Week 2. I gotta say I'm pretty disappointed and sad. I'm young, non-smoker and fit so I don't understand why my arm is not healing at all. It's kinda scary having to endure all this pain all over again from surgery.

 

Week 6

Week 6

So my arm is still looking pretty broken!! It's week 6 now for goodness sake. I'm feeling pretty deflated. Should I had insisted for a surgery earlier on? I'm sick and tired of carrying a fragile and swollen arm at this point

Humerus Fracture week 3 to 5

Week 3

As you can see the cast is huge and heavy !! I honestly think that the weight of the cast has caused more displacement of the bone. The registrar who saw me didn't seem to care less!! I was sent home once again in my big heavy cast. At this stage I should have really been in a humeral brace .....

Week 4

Very frustrating as the bones are looking like they aren't aligning at all.......I waited about an hour before I saw the registrar. She was a new registrar as the usual Dr who I normally see was out God knows where. She  rushed through everything and told me to go get a brace from the Orthotic Centre. At this point I was pretty confused. I rang up the clinic and took a taxi there. 

This is how the humeral brace looks like. It was really uncomfortable and painful when it was first fitted on. It took me about 4 days until I got used to it.

Week 5

 This is it !!!At this stage I am rather impatient with the rate of my healing. I was seriously considering a surgery. If I had had a surgery on the day of my injury I would be well a way with recovery right now. I probably could have moved my arm by now.

After 1.5 hours wait, I finally saw a doctor. This time it was the consultant himself. He took the brace off and moved my arm. According to him it was moving as a piece and so I don't have to worry. He assured me that the bones are healing. Although it did not hurt when he moved it, I'm a bit sceptical still. My next scheduled appointment was in another 4 weeks. Fingers cross

Humerus Fracture Week 1 to 2

I decided to write this post to share with  all of you out there in hope that it will help those going through similar situation or caring for someone who has a broken bone. I realised there are not many programme out there for someone like me with a fractured arm. I hope this post will give you a bit of an exposure and what to expect in days to come following a fractured bone.

Week 1&2

Above are pictures of my U-slab cast (sorry about the alignment) and my X-ray right after the orthopaedic nurses put a cast on it. Notice the displacement.

There are usually many ways to treat humerus fracture.In my case, they opted for the U-slab which is a special cast that fits over your shoulder and go all the way to the elbow. The aim of the treatment is to allow the weight of the arm to keep the bones correctly aligned whilst they heal. The collar and cuff sling also has to be worn at all times to help support the wrist. As you can imagine there is no where in hell you can even try straightened the fractured arm as it hurts a lot !!!

I was discharged home on the same day with a cocktail of painkillers : panadol, ibuprofen and codeine. I have to stress that it is important to take the painkillers regularly for the first 2 weeks at least following the fracture to control the pain. It was mostly bed rest for me and lots of fluids. I can clearly remember that it was the most unpleasant time for me.  I couldn't get up and move around very much because the fractured arm hurt a lot and I had to do things really slowly as any movement would move the bones. Sometimes this will effect in the bones grinding and trust me it hurts like crazy!

Check out this link for more information on how to care for a broken humerus :file:///C:/Users/MARIE/Downloads/ORT%20OP%20PIB-10%20%20Midshaft%20Humerus%20arm%20Fractures%20Sept%202013.pdf

Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall.......

The journey of my broken arm began on the 5th of August when I fell on the ground whilst doing a kipping pull up. Yes !! I am a crossfitter and I'm proud of it..but of course ...not the fall !! It was a freak accident for what I believe. I really don't know what got into me. I can't explain how I swung off the bar and why my hand slipped. I have one too many questions and no answers. Why me? Why?

As a result of the fall, I didn't only fractured (transverse) my right midshaft humerus but I also strained my lower right lumbar spine. Imagine the pain and discomfort I was going through. I couldn't sleep lying down so was forced to sleep sitting up on my bed with pillows propped up on my back. I couldn't rest my fractured arm on anything. Not even a pillow because apparently the the force of gravity was supposed to draw the two bones so that they are aligned. I was put in a big U-cast and they took x-rays before and after the cast. I gotta say this is the most traumatic time in my whole entire life which I do not wish to repeat. Soon after this my whole forearm and fingers swelled up. It swelled up so much they looked like what a rubber glove filled with water would look like. I felt really weak, dizzy and as if I was dying. I couldn't stomach anything either as I was throwing up all day due to the side effect of IV morphine. I was in such a bad way !!! I couldn't stop crying to a point tears were just streaming down my face. I knew what was ahead of me in days to come.....and I had a bad feeling about it.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog !!!

This is a blog about my life and all the things I love to do. Essentially it is my journey in this lifetime which I would like to track and share. I always live by the saying " Life is short!!!" and I really mean it. Things can change in a blink of an eye so be grateful for everything you have and  all the people around you. Lastly be humble and modest for you do not know what lies in the future for you. 

So I'll say out loud ..........Carpe Diem my friend !!!