Saturday, 15 November 2014
Relationships
I don't know where to begin....
I suppose caring for someone with an ailment or sickness is not easy.
It's coming to 4 months since my injury and recovery is still a long way away. My situation is kinda tricky. I don't have family where I am at so I am pretty much going through all this alone. For those who have been in the same situation as me, you probably understand what I mean.
When I broke my arm, I've only dated this guy for 1 year and 3 months. I guess it isn't that long at all and expectation of care may be of varying degree. I'm quite an independent girl having been through some dark, dark experience in life so what I needed was basically some emotional support and perhaps physical help for whatever I can't do.
He was really supportive at first and sympathetic with my situation. I have to say I probably wasn't a good patient myself. I may have got frustrated, angry and impatient at times but one must understand what I was going through. I was in so much pain it was literally a living hell. Also, not being able to use an arm is a big deal. You won't know it till it actually happens. Being an extremely fit and active athlete to an inactive slow person is not an easy adjustment. So he was by my side everyday for almost 4 months now. We did get into fights but we patched things up. Given the diminished social life and lowered self esteem didn't help with my situation. Nothing looked good on me. I felt unattractive etc
I guess slowly everyday I was pushing him away and digging myself a deep, dark hole. Today, we are officially on a break. We had a fight on Wednesday night and not spoke till today. I suggested a break. I guess my condition really put us on a toll. I have been crying since yesterday and tears are just streaming down my face. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to. I don't know why I did what I did. Maybe I am depressed ............
Looks like I'm going to be broken, jobless, single and old for my birthday in 2 weeks time :(
I suppose caring for someone with an ailment or sickness is not easy.
It's coming to 4 months since my injury and recovery is still a long way away. My situation is kinda tricky. I don't have family where I am at so I am pretty much going through all this alone. For those who have been in the same situation as me, you probably understand what I mean.
When I broke my arm, I've only dated this guy for 1 year and 3 months. I guess it isn't that long at all and expectation of care may be of varying degree. I'm quite an independent girl having been through some dark, dark experience in life so what I needed was basically some emotional support and perhaps physical help for whatever I can't do.
He was really supportive at first and sympathetic with my situation. I have to say I probably wasn't a good patient myself. I may have got frustrated, angry and impatient at times but one must understand what I was going through. I was in so much pain it was literally a living hell. Also, not being able to use an arm is a big deal. You won't know it till it actually happens. Being an extremely fit and active athlete to an inactive slow person is not an easy adjustment. So he was by my side everyday for almost 4 months now. We did get into fights but we patched things up. Given the diminished social life and lowered self esteem didn't help with my situation. Nothing looked good on me. I felt unattractive etc
I guess slowly everyday I was pushing him away and digging myself a deep, dark hole. Today, we are officially on a break. We had a fight on Wednesday night and not spoke till today. I suggested a break. I guess my condition really put us on a toll. I have been crying since yesterday and tears are just streaming down my face. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to. I don't know why I did what I did. Maybe I am depressed ............
Looks like I'm going to be broken, jobless, single and old for my birthday in 2 weeks time :(
Missing in Action
I guess I've been so slack lately and not updating since my surgery 3 weeks ago. The surgery went well though it was not something I like to remember again.
It wasn't pleasant at all but it was the only choice if I ever wanted to get back to my normal life again. I mean 3 months of carry a broken arm right before surgery was a torture already. It was not an easy journey thus far to be honest. Days leading to the surgery was a mixture of feelings. I remember waking up some nights gasping for air because I suddenly had a panic attack. I felt I was trapped. Other times I wake up crying for no reason. I guess people generally do not talk about their emotions when they are dealing with a broken bone. I know I'm not going through cancer or anything. I am still alive after all. I lose my mum to cancer and so I know because I was with her throughout the whole journey.
Right back to what I have intended to write! Actually I was meant to share my days after surgery. All I can say is it was a blur for the first 10 days. Right after surgery, I was really really unwell. I had shakes and bad bad nausea. Also, I couldn't pee though my bladder was full ! It was really uncomfortable. The surgical site was not as painful for the first 12 hours but when the pain kicked in, it was full blown. I had muscular pain from my shoulder, elbow and surgical site. At one point I couldn't differentiate which part was the pain coming from. I mean the whole arm was painful. Not to mention, I couldn't walk due to the bone graft on my pelvis. I tell you that was aching and throbbing like crazy once the pain killer wore off.
I don't mean to scare anyone but I feel I should share this with people out there with a situation like mine who wants to know or prepare themselves. Speaking from personal experience, I was pretty anxious and did not know what to expect before the surgery. I knew no one who had gone through anything like mine and I couldn't find anything online to give me a piece of mind.
I hope this is helpful. I don't mean to scare anyone and I understand everyone deals with pain differently. I only meant to share what I went through and my emotions at the time.
By the way, I am still in rehab trying to move my locked elbow and shoulder. Seems like the pain is here to stay.
Honestly, I recommend seeing a shrink if you have problems coping. I feel I am at the verge of getting one.
It wasn't pleasant at all but it was the only choice if I ever wanted to get back to my normal life again. I mean 3 months of carry a broken arm right before surgery was a torture already. It was not an easy journey thus far to be honest. Days leading to the surgery was a mixture of feelings. I remember waking up some nights gasping for air because I suddenly had a panic attack. I felt I was trapped. Other times I wake up crying for no reason. I guess people generally do not talk about their emotions when they are dealing with a broken bone. I know I'm not going through cancer or anything. I am still alive after all. I lose my mum to cancer and so I know because I was with her throughout the whole journey.
Right back to what I have intended to write! Actually I was meant to share my days after surgery. All I can say is it was a blur for the first 10 days. Right after surgery, I was really really unwell. I had shakes and bad bad nausea. Also, I couldn't pee though my bladder was full ! It was really uncomfortable. The surgical site was not as painful for the first 12 hours but when the pain kicked in, it was full blown. I had muscular pain from my shoulder, elbow and surgical site. At one point I couldn't differentiate which part was the pain coming from. I mean the whole arm was painful. Not to mention, I couldn't walk due to the bone graft on my pelvis. I tell you that was aching and throbbing like crazy once the pain killer wore off.
I don't mean to scare anyone but I feel I should share this with people out there with a situation like mine who wants to know or prepare themselves. Speaking from personal experience, I was pretty anxious and did not know what to expect before the surgery. I knew no one who had gone through anything like mine and I couldn't find anything online to give me a piece of mind.
I hope this is helpful. I don't mean to scare anyone and I understand everyone deals with pain differently. I only meant to share what I went through and my emotions at the time.
By the way, I am still in rehab trying to move my locked elbow and shoulder. Seems like the pain is here to stay.
Honestly, I recommend seeing a shrink if you have problems coping. I feel I am at the verge of getting one.
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